Everyone—even little kids—likes to be in control, at least some of the time. Depending up the parenting and family culture, some kids may feel controlled from morning till night: parents wake them in the morning, select their clothes, choose their breakfast, hover while they brush their teeth and on and on until a parent-determined bedtime. Of course a certain amount of control is necessary to the safety of children and the overall running of a household.
It is important to realize that a parent’s job is to find areas that give children a sense of control in their own lives and to gradually increase that level as they grow. Toddlers do not have the vocabulary nor the intellectual capacity to explain their need for control. They do realize, very quickly, that regardless of how controlling a parent may be, it’s the toddler who has control over his or her bodily functions. No one can force a kid to pee.
Ready
First off, kids must be ready physically. While this ability to walk, get on and off a potty, manipulate pull-ups or underwear, and communicate a need to use the bathroom can occur anywhere from 18 to 36 months, some kids - especially boys - aren’t ready until later.
When a child exhibits signs of readiness, parents should buy a potty or a special insert for a grown-up toilet. A good way to do this is for parents to make an adventure out of going to the store to get one. Parents also should talk about using the bathroom when changing diapers and when they need to use the bathroom. Parents should have the potty available in the bathroom and let their child know what it is for. No pressure. No expectations.
If a child has shown all the signs of readiness, but still isn’t interested, parents need to consider a few things. First, diapers and pull-ups are so effective, kids don’t feel wet, especially right away. It is hard to make the connection between the sensation of a full bladder and the wet diaper. Some parents switch their toddlers to underwear, but too many accidents can be discouraging. Parents and care-takes also need to understand that bladder control and bowl control happen separately—although which happens first varies from child to child. Some kids need pull-ups at night, even after they are potty trained during the day.
Set
Summer can be the best time for potty training. Adults can allow toddlers to run around and play in the privacy of their backyard wearing only a T-shirt. There’s nothing like a child actually feeling and seeing what his body is doing all at the same time.
Parents and care-takers should read children's books about potty training to toddlers. These are available in local libraries and bookstores. According to a search on amazon.com, there are over 200 books on the subject; there's sure to be one to fit all parents' needs. There’s even a book that claims a child can potty train in less than a day. Of course, it takes several days at least to know if it really worked.
Another way to help is for parents to find a play group of toddlers of similar age who are going through the same thing and who are potty trained. Just seeing other kids their age in big kid underwear asking to use the bathroom and doing so successfully is a great teacher and motivator - as long as parents let hte learning be natural and don’t go pointing it out. They need to discover this for themselves.
Sometimes parents do all of these things, but their toddlers still resist. That is when it is time to back off. Parents and care-takers should evaluate the rules and procedures in their child’s daily life. Children need to feel a sense of control in their lives - from choosing breakfast cereal to the book for reading time to what shirt to wear. Anything that will not disrupt a family's routine or endanger its health and safety should be considered. When children feel more in control of things in their lives, they no longer need to control their parents with the potty training issue.
Go
When a child is completely ready, toilet training is faster than forcing a child. On the other hand, sometimes kids have their own sort of epiphany. They are able, they are ready, and most important of all, they are willing. Once all of those things are in place and adults have set the ground work with appropriate supplies (potty chair and big kid underwear), children will take care of the rest.
